Refusal is “simultaneously a negation of access to information of resources, as well as an affirmation of sovereignty” (Flowers, p.33).

   Native feminist Audra Simpson says “in listening and shutting off the tape recorder, in situating each subject within their own shifting historical context of the present, these refusals speak volumes (p.78)” My grandma often avoided certain topics and it would make me angry as I wanted to learn about her past and her family. No matter how hard I pushed, there are things I never learned. I recognize now that the things, I, as an anthropologist, wanted to hear weren’t what she wanted to tell me. Silence or lack of information is just as revealing and important. And often what she would tell me instead were stories of things that were more important to her. She told me stories of raising her rambunctious children or about a book she just read. As I have come to discover “truth is less important” (Nat. Geo., Storytelling), because there is no one truth. The story is the vitality, and how she told it from start to the little details in between and the not always guaranteed ends, is what has made me love Anthropology. Stories go beyond fact to build connections. They show what the person valued, how they viewed the world, and what they forgot or remembered. 

    Similarly, she never gave us her prized recipes or told us what to do. Instead, we have to rely on our memories and each other. It is interesting how sometimes people remember it differently. In my search for Grandma’s albondiga soup recipe, I got conflicting steps that only showed how each family member’s experience with the soup was different yet special.